2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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