If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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