Your mouth is God's brothel.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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