Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
should my penis look like a turkey
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
