Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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