You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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