Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
