Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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