I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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