I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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