Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
