i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
