eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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