Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
