I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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