hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
