Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
