We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
