I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
