why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
