and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My feet surprised me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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