where am i from again
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
