So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
