Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I love having hate sex.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
