I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
