i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
