You just made me feel so damn special
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
