Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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