my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
