I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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