Jerry, you need to find god
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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