My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
