I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
