when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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