I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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