i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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