What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
