So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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