sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
