how can u be prego again
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
