So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
