I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
