u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
