can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
