pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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