Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
