It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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