some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
