I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
