Girls should come with a carfax report
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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