Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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