i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
