Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Randomize
