If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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