I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This toilet bowl is my home.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
