I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize