He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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