Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
