I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
