No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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