I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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