There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
