Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
