I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
