I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
