i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize