I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
