Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize