Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
