It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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