I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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