YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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