WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Randomize
