She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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