There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
