Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
