i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
