If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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