I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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