My nipple is on Facebook.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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