I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
